© 2015-19  Chris Grams

Ready to Scream?!?

August 22, 2014

Today’s outside hour-long exercise session in sunny and explicitly humid Florida was a success! There were no occurrences of puking or passing out this time. Yay! With that said, I would like to remind all lovely ladies that it is imperative to remove makeup prior to such activities.

 

Sadly, I forgot to abide by this self regulation and returned home to find a monster leering at me from the bathroom mirror. Seriously, the sight was frightening enough to almost add a bit of poo to my already soggy britches. The creature, I quickly realized, was nothing more than a scary, cakey image of me.

 

The sweat from my face had dripped and stained the top of my shirt bringing the flesh colored makeup with it. The strange effect was exactly what I imagine it would look like if I’d eaten a random body part and drooled on myself along the way. My refection was like a genetic experiment gone wrong, like a mysteriously hideous mutation of crossing the beautiful Maria Brink (lead singer of In This Moment) and the revolting Stephen King creation, Pennywise the Clown. Guess which one I resembled (Hint: NOT the pretty one).

 

No wonder why Bunny Rocket and Piggy LuLu skittered away like I was some kind of alien predator, and I can only imagine what the neighbors were thinking. Please take note of this terrible blunder:  Makeup + Exercise + Extreme Heat = Bad; VERY, VERY BAD!!!

 

On a positive note, I have a good idea what I’m going to be for Halloween.

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